Memories of Us
by Jaterforever
Summary: When cleaning out her attic, Kate is forced to face her past, present and future.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, this is a story I wrote a little while ago. For those of you reading Things Aren't Always As They Seem, I should be able to update soon. This story should only be about 3-4 chapters. The first chapter is a little short but the next ones should be longer. As always please tell me what you think.**

She brushed the beads of perspiration from her face, and surveyed the scene in front of her. Boxes and chests littered the dusty floor, some stacked to the roof. Cobwebs were scattered in various corners and she reminded herself to watch for spiders. The climb up the rickety attic stairs had taken all the energy out of her and now she wasn't so sure she wanted to do this.  
_Maybe I should wait until he comes home._

" No Kate." she told herself "You can do this."

The old room had a musty smell about it and most of the contents looked ancient. She took a step forward which stirred up the filmy dust lying in layers on the barley visible wood floor. She coughed and waited for the dust to settle before she continued.

They should have done this years ago, but they kept putting it off, and now it was a problem. They had avoided the attic in all the years they lived here, because they didn't want to rekindle the past. They had buried their memories up here years ago, hoping to forget their dark pasts and live in the present. Some of the things were good memories but most of them still haunted her. She wondered how long it would take to clear this place out, hopefully they finished it before he was gone.

Her eyes misted slightly but she quickly dried them and bent down in front of the sole box in front of her. It was a plain box with nothing written on it. Kate opened it slowly as if she dreaded what was inside it. She reached in pulling out a tiny pink dress. Instantly a smile spread across her face. Rachel had worn this for her first birthday. How she missed those carefree, happy days. The rest of the box was filled with more baby clothes. Reluctantly Kate closed the box and sealed it with the packing tape in her pocket. With her flourishing handwriting she wrote "Rachel's baby clothing. Salvation Army." in big bold letters. One box done, a million more to go.

"See all the memories aren't bad." she said to herself

She pushed the box towards the door and moved on to the next one. Kate lingered longer on the next box. this one was full of pictures. Her smile was no longer bright, but pensive and sad. The one picture that caught her eye was the one of her family at the beach. Her, her husband, Rachel now 6, and the twins.

She remembered that trip, who could forget it. It was chaotic, adventurous and fun. So many things had happened. The little details were seared in her memory forever. Rachel begging her to build sandcastles, the twins eating everything they could find including sand, her and her husband watching the sun sink into the crashing waves. Kate stared at the younger her, she had changed so much in the past few years. Her hair was now shorter and a different color due to dying it. The kids of course looked different now older, but the person she noticed the most change in was her husband.

"Now's not the time to think about it.' she scolded herself

With great care she replaced the picture with the others and sealed up that batch of memories. She didn't understand how such a joyful trip could bring so much pain.

An hour later the small pile of sorted boxes had grown larger but were still dwarfed by the large stash undone. Kate's eyes were puffy from crying so much and she hadn't even gotten to the worst part yet. She looked at her watch and decided there was time for one more. She stood up and walked over to a large chest, ignoring the sharp pain in her lower back. She unlocked it trying to remember what was inside. After throwing the hinged lid open she wished she never had. Sitting on top of the large pile of stuff was a framed picture and a tiny toy airplane


	2. Chapter 2

Kate's grip on the lid tightened at the sight of the too familiar object. She picked up the airplane and let it lie on her palm. This was part of her past she never wished to see again. Yet it still haunted her once pleasant dreams. She remembered that day vividly. She could almost hear the tires screeching, see the bullets whizzing past her head, smell the burning tires, and feel Tom's fresh blood forever staining her hands and heart.

With his help she had let the past go and now he was leaving her too, just as Tom did. He had filled the part in her heart that was missing and now she feared it would become void again. Kate placed the tiny object in her pocket. It was her security, her safety blanket, her grief, and pain.

Kate reluctantly lifted the next object out and blew off the thin layer of dust that had settled on it. She ran her slender fingers over each of the faces in the picture, remembering every detail about them. She smiled at Hurley making bunny ears over Charlie's head and at Sawyer who was trying to make a stoic face, but failing miserably. Those people were her family, every one of them. Sure she didn't like some of them but they were still apart of her. After living together on a haunted island for 2 years you create bonds, ones that can never be broken.

Just then she felt a hand on her shoulder. She gasped and turned around startled. Her heart slowed down when she saw him, and let out the breath she had been holding.

"What are you doing up here?"  
"I came home early and figured you were up here."  
She turned back to the picture as he knelled down behind her. Kate leaned against his firm muscle and looked up at his clean shaven face. She inhaled his familiar scent.

"Where are the kids?"  
"Over at Claire's, she volunteered to watch them."

His attention diverted to the picture she was looking at and he swallowed. She could tell this was just as hard for him, maybe harder.

"I miss them." she whispered  
"Me too baby.' he said his hot breath tickling her ear.  
Her eyes began to water.  
"I keep thinking of Boone, Shannon, Locke, Suns baby, Libby, Walt, all the people that didn't make it in this picture. they were my family."  
"They were all of our family."

Not one of them would be able to forget them, or the time they spent on the island. Kate knew she wasn't the only one facing the past, it haunted the others too. Gruesome pictures of blood drenched bodies, graves lined up in a row, missing faces, and the vicious others whose only purpose was to terminate them. No, no matter how much they tried to forget it, the past was very much alive  
. He reached for one of her hands and squeezed it reassuringly. She studied him. He was still handsome, his eyes that captivating green. His hair was just as short with touches of gray on his sideburns.

"Jack," she managed to choke out "What am I going to do without you?"  
""Lets not talk about that now. Now's not the time."  
They sat there in silence, each of them contemplating what lay ahead of them.

"Do you remember how we met?"  
She snuggled in closer to him.  
"How could i forget." she said  
"How bout he first time we kissed?"  
She looked into his eyes which were fixated on her face, never straying away.  
"That was an interesting day."  
"Yes it was."  
"Do you remember what you were doing the day we were rescued?"  
She smiled.  
"Running away from you."

FLASBACK

Kate ran through the jungle at a rapid pace. Her bare feet pounded on the moist ground. The sharp rocks pierced her tender flesh, but she kept running. The tears that were streaming down her face never faltered. She quickly wiped them from her eyes, as they were blurring her vision. Behind her she could hear the labored breathing of her persistent follower. She fought her way through the lush jungle overgrowth trying to stay in the lead. He would never catch her, running was her game not his.

"Kate!" yelled his distant voice  
She didn't answer but slowed down.  
"Kate, I'm sorry."

He was always sorry. What had been a pleasant day was turning into a disaster. He didn't understand, he hadn't done anything, it was her. He wanted to love her but she didn't let him. It wasn't possible, she didn't want him to get hurt.

"Kate come on." he said frustrated  
'Jack just leave me alone."  
"No Kate."

She had now stopped, but she could tell he was still walking. She watched as he appeared through the green foliage. She couldn't stand to look at him, she couldn't let him read her.

"Please Kate. What's wrong?"  
"Jack just stay away okay."  
'I'm not going to leave you Kate, I care about you."  
"You just think you do Jack. You couldn't care for a criminal. It's impossible."  
"Nothing is impossible."  
"I don't want to hurt you."  
"You are hurting me more by staying away. Every time I think that you care for me too, you end up pushing me away."

He was walking towards her now. Why did he have to be like this, so kind hearted and caring. He ran his hand over her cheek, wiping away the salty tears that were staining her face. She still stared at the ground, trying to avoid eye contact. He gently lifted up her chin to see her face. That was when she caved in.

"I do care about you Jack." she said in a hushed tone the tears still falling.  
"Don't cry Kate."

He brought his lips down to hers. His kiss tasted salty and moist due to the tears that were cascading down both of their faces. It grew more passionate every second. They had both wanted this for so long. When he finally drew away because of the lack of breath she collapsed in his arms. He held her tight in his embrace, not letting go.

"Kate I will love you, for always and forever."


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay I know some of you are confused but this chapter should clear everything up. Only one more chapter after this. Please tell me what you think, it really means alot to me. **

A tear slipped from Kate's eye and ran slowly down her check leaving behind a salty trail. She looked up into his moist cloudy eyes and realized that he too was thinking the same exact thing. That moment in the jungle, so long ago marked their future forever.

That same day they were rescued by two military ships on their way back to New York. She remembered those scary days on the boat, hoping she wasn't discovered, concealing her identity and hiding from everyone, except Jack. She didn't understand why he continued to stay by her side. Once landing in New York she was taken to jail, where he visited her twice a week. It was the only bright spot on her life for those two long years. After being released she realized she loved him just as much as he did her. Their wedding was small, just their island family, it was the only family they had left anyway. For once in her life she was safe and content. But now, now her life was going to change drastically once again.

Kate was taken out of her day dream by the soft kisses Jack was trailing down her neck. He left a moist lingering kiss on her lips. No matter how many times she kissed him, he still took her breath away.

"Lets go down stairs baby."

She nodded and closed the trunk, concealing the past again. He helped her up and they made their way downstairs.

"I'm going to go get changed, then we'll talk."

She nodded her head slightly and watched him walk into their bedroom. She walked slowly through their vast almost empty house. It was so quiet these days, it almost didn't seem like home. She smiled at a picture of her holding the twins with Jack and Rachel by her side. She missed those days, when nothing was wrong.

_Kate walked around the house picking up the kid toys littered on the floor. Jack was getting the kids from school and then they were all going to go out to eat. Years ago she dreamed of having a life like this, with a wonderful caring husband who loved you for who you are, not because you were good in bed. Now her dreams had come true and she couldn't be more happy. She had three healthy kids, a husband and a dog. Sure there was still the past that haunted her, every night, her fathers face would return to her, mocking her and telling her all the things she'd never be. She had proved him wrong, there was good in her, she just needed someone to believe in her. _

_Kate heard the car drive up and walked out to meet her family. Rachel ran out first, a spitting image of her mother in every way._

"_Mommy guess what, I beat up a boy today!"_

_She hurried to her mother, to proudly show off her large black eye. Kate laughed._

"_What did he do to you?"_

"_He called me a sissy, but I proved him wrong."_

"_Thata girl."_

_Jack came up to her with Natalie in his arms._

"_You needed to take my side." He muttered as Rachel ran inside the house. _

"_Which was what?" she giggled as he kissed her nose_

"_That beating up boys is bad."_

"_Hmm, why would you say that?"_

"_Mommy." interrupted two year old Natalie_

"_What baby?"_

"_I'm tired."_

_She took her baby from Jack's arms and walked inside the house. Yes, everything was perfect._

Kate stepped into the large kitchen and ran her hand over the smooth marble counter tops. Kate turned on the burner and set the tea kettle on the stove. She clicked on the radio and sighed. Everything was so different. The halls were no longer filled with laughter, although Kate could almost hear it lingering in the air. She turned back to her work and began taking things out of her cabinets and placing them in boxes. She hummed quietly to the music even though she didn't know the song.

Kate heard Jack come into the room and her heart plummeted, she didn't want to talk about what was happening. She felt his arms come around her waist and she leaned back into his embrace. Tears instantly sprang to her eyes against her whishes.

"I put some tea on." She whispered trying to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Don't cry honey." He said, his voice muffled by her hair

"Don't cry?" she said angrily.

Jack took a step back. What had gotten into her? She didn't want to be this way.

"My husband is dying and you tell me to not cry?"

"Baby…"

"Don't baby me." She interrupted

She squirmed out of his arms and began to furiously pace the room.

"Kate…"  
She grabbed the cinnamon bottle lying on the counter and threw it at him.

"Shut up!"

He rubbed his arm, where the plastic container had hit.

"Why are you leaving me?" she screamed "What are you leaving me alone?"

"Its not my decision to leave." he said quietly, hoping to calm her down.

"Jack why? Why you?" She collapsed on the hard wood floor, her body shaking in sobs. "You never did anything wrong."

He knelt down in front of her and grasped her hands. She looked at him through blurry eyes. She couldn't believe it was actually happening to him, her husband, her true love. Jack was dying and she couldn't stop it. She remembered the day they found out he had cancer, the day her dreams were squashed. She remembered the doctors solemn voice telling them that the cancer had already spread, that there was no hope. She remembered the children's pale faces when they found out their daddy was dying, that he would never be able to seem them graduate, get married or have children of their own. That he was leaving all of them alone.

She refocused on his weary face, they had been through so much together. His face mirrored her own, with tears running down their faces

"Till death do us apart." He whispered, running his hand down her wet face.

"Jack what am I going to do without you?" she said, choking back a little sob. She was weak and helpless without him.

"I won't leave you Kate, I love you."

"But..:"

"No buts Kate."

She collapsed into his arms and let the sobs overtake her body. She read about these things all the time, but it never occurred to her that it could happen to her loved one. Never believed it, until reality came crashing down into her life. They sat there in the middle of their kitchen floor, crying. He rocked her back and forth, softly kissing her hair. They didn't talk to each other but they didn't have to. Just then the song on the radio changed and a soft melody filled the air.

They say in this world, nothing lasts forever.

But I don't believe that's true

'Cuz the way that I feel, when we're together

I know that's the way I'll always feel for you

"Dance with me Kate." he whispered, tenderly running his hand through her curly hair

"What?"

He stood up and she grabbed his hand.

"Dance with me."

He pulled her to him and started to sway with the music.

From now until forever

That's how long I'll be true

I'll make you this vow and promise you now

Until forever, I'll never stop loving you

A single tear ran down her moist check. She didn't deserve a man like him. Brave, strong, kind, passionate, and perfect. But he chose her, fixed her and for that she loved him.

There'll come a day when the world stops turning,  
And stars will fall from the sky  
But this feeling will last when the sun stops burning.  
All I want to do is love you until the end of time.

She looked up into his eyes which glistened with tears. He would die for her without a second thought and she knew she would do the same exact thing. He saved her and without him she would be incomplete.

From now until forever,  
That's how long I'll be true  
I'll make you this vow and promise you now  
Until forever, I'll never stop, never stop, I'll never stop loving you.

He leaned his head towards her and grasped her lips, kissing her like she had never been kissed before.

"Kate I'll love you for always and forever."


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it's taken me so long to update, I have been really busy. I am hoping to update Things Aren't Always As They Seem as soon as my beta gets the chapter back to me. I hope you enjoyed this story, I enjoyed writing it. I would appreciate it if you could leave me a review and tell me what you think. Thanks a bunch. **

It had been a year now, one whole year since he left. The sky was gray threatening to rain. Kate drew her jacket tighter to her body and let the cold wind blow her hair back from her face. Salty tears ran down her face staining the piece of paper she held in her shaking hands. Kate knelt down on the moist green grass. She traced the words engraved on the smooth marble tombstone.

'Here lies Jack, beloved father, husband, and hero. May he rest in peace.' She turned back to the well worn letter in her hand. The creases were very prominent from where she folded it many times. The ink was smeared but Kate knew every word by heart. She could almost imagine him writing it, sitting somewhere peaceful and quiet, wiping away his tears. His doctors handwriting was scrawled across the page.

_My beloved Kate,  
I'm writing this to you because I am dying. Being a doctor I face death daily, but I never thought I would have to face it my self. I have many dreams that will never come true, but they are all minor compared to the one dream that did become true. Before I meet you I was a mess. You always thought I was the one that fixed you, but that's not true because you fixed me, both body and soul. Remember the day we meet and you sewed me up? I could have sworn you sewed a piece of yourself in me because from then on you were apart of me. We have been through so much together Kate, and I want to thank you for staying by my side. You really exemplified 'through thick in thin', because your love never faltered. I could not have chosen a better woman for my wife. I know you always felt unworthy to be my wife, but at times I felt unworthy to be your husband. This letter probably sounds so sappy but every word is true. Please do not grieve for my death, I have lived a wonderful and fulfilled life. Although I may be gone, I will love you forever. Say goodbye to the kids for me, tell them I love them so much. I love you Kate and you will always be with me in spirit.  
Always and Forever,  
Jack Shepard_

Kate ran her hand over his grave letting the tears fall freely. He was the best man ever, he didn't deserve to die so young. She fiddled with her wedding band still around her ring finger. She was his forever and she would have no other way. Till death did them apart. She would love him till the day she died.

Flashback

Kate was in the back room nervously pacing the floor.  
"Will you calm down Kate?" asked Claire, fastening Aaron's bow tie.  
"You didn't tell me it was this nerve racking."  
Sun came up to her and forced her to sit down.  
"Relax. Everything will be fine."

"Ya you don't want to rip your dress." Said Claire, trying to make five year old Aaron sit still. "I don't know why you didn't wait until I had the baby." She said placing a hand on her steadily growing stomach. "This is stressing me out."

Just then somebody knocked on the door and Charlie poked his head in.  
"Time to get this show on the road."  
Sun handed Kate her bouquet and walked out of the room to Jin. Claire herded Aaron out and kissed Kate on the cheek.  
"You'll do fine."

Kate could here the music starting in the other room. She couldn't believe she was actually doing this. After her first marriage she swore to never do it again, yet here she was marrying the most awesome man on the earth. In one way she was happy, she was leaving the past behind and moving on. Another part of her wanted to hold on, to stay in her shell. She heard the music change, it was her turn. Kate entered the church and started to walk down the isle. She saw Jack at the end smiling at her, beckoning her.

Her white dress was long with spaghetti straps and sequenced flowers on the upper half. It then flared out in white thin material. Placed on her curly brown hair there was a crown of fresh flowers. The walkway looked so long and she started to get nervous.

She thought of Tom, her mother and father. What would they think of her now? But they were dead, all dead. She thought of the others on the island and the people that didn't survive. She thought of her solitary jail cell and the years she spent in there. It was if she was shedding her past on the isle to become Jack's wife and live in the present. One by one the memories that burdened her for so long fell off. Tears began to well up in her eyes as she took Jack's hand.

"You okay." He whispered in her ear  
"Perfect, everything's perfect."

They walked together to the pulpit, their hands still intertwined. As the pastor continued the ceremony, Kate realized how lucky she was to have a man like him. When they finished their vows she was crying, but not tears of sadness but tears of joy.

"You may kiss the bride."  
Jack leaned in towards her wrapping one arm around her waist and putting on hand on her face.  
"I love you Kate."  
"And I love you Jack."

She placed her hands around his neck and drew him closer to her. When their lips meet applause echoed through the chapel. Kate decided she was the luckiest woman in the world.

End Of Flashback

Kate heard footsteps come up behind her. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up.  
"Can the kids come over now?"  
She nodded at the southern man. She watched as her children came running over to her.

Rachel held both of the twins hands and tried to quiet them down. Unlike the twins she understood what had happened to her daddy and she was the one that missed him the most. Five year old Cole ran up to her with Natalie close behind.

"Why mommy crying? I don't like it when you cry."  
That just made her cry even more. She pulled both of them into her arms and kissed their heads.

"I miss your daddy." She whispered  
"Daddy's in heaven with the angels." Natalie said proudly  
"That's right sweetie, that's right."

Rachel placed a few flowers on her father's grave. "We'll see him again one day right mom?"  
"I hope so baby."  
"Come on kids, lets give your mom a little more time and then Uncle Sawyer can take you to McDonalds. Okay?"

Kate smiled sweetly at Sawyer and mouthed thank you. Ever since Jack had died he had helped her with the kids. In the beginning he had been a little angry that she chose Jack over him, but soon accepted it. He was now getting married to a woman named Cassie, an old acquaintance of his. She watched as they walked of into the mist leaving her alone once again.

"I miss you Jack." She whispered "I miss you so much."  
The wind stirred her hair and she felt a rain drop on her face. Out of her pocket she took a small picture of Jack. She laid it on the grave, she didn't need it anymore. Jack wanted her to be happy and go on with her life, so that's what she was going to do. She was going to raise her kids and move on. But she would never forget him. There wouldn't be a day that passed by that she didn't think of him. She stood up and began to walk away. Even though he was gone, he was apart of her and he always would be.


End file.
